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Articles by Andrew

Unger the Influence

Man Who Aced Cognitive Test Can’t Tell Jesus From a Doctor

May 5, 2026 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC A man who routinely brags about the cognitive test he aced apparently cannot tell the difference between images of himself dressed as Jesus and a doctor. “It was a very hard test. No […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Finally Takes Off His Winter Tires

May 4, 2026 Andrew

AYLMER, ON Mr. Todd Driedger of Aylmer is always the last one in all of Aylmer, Ontario to switch over to his summer tires. “I could tell Daisy was ready for a change,” said Driedger, […]

Unger the Influence

James Comey Indicted Over ‘606 47’ Seashell Photo

May 3, 2026 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Former FBI director James Comey was indicted this week after posting a photo of seashells that had been arranged to spell ‘606 47.’ “You know what that means?” said President Trump. “Quite frankly […]

Unger the Influence

Hog Farmers Concerned as Manitoba Seeks to Ban AI

May 2, 2026 Andrew

NEW BOTHWELL, MB Mr. Plett is up in arms this week after Premier Wab Kinew announced plans to ban AI. “What do they expect us to do?” said Plett. “Been so long since I’ve done […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman’s Algorithm Nothing But Vereniki

May 1, 2026 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB Ever since she started following the Unger Review last month, Mrs. Annie Martens’s Facebook feed has been nothing but vereniki. “They’ve got me figured out,” said Martens. “Glums vereniki, blueberry vereniki. Close-ups of […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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