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Month: September 2026

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Ruins Perfectly Good Cinnamon Buns By Adding Raisins

September 20, 2026 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Area woman Theresa Bueckert decided she’d change things up a little and add raisins to her bun dough this week. The results were, as expected, disastrous. “Oba, what was I thinking?” said Mrs. […]

Unger Suspicion

Ed Sheeran Drops Mennonite Choir from North American Tour

September 19, 2026 Andrew

FOXBOROUGH, MA Soft pop rock singer-songwriter Ed Sheeran has dropped a Mennonite choir from his North American tour after finding out they were pacifists. “I don’t like to get political,” said Sheeran, “but when I […]

Unger Conviction

Australian Pastor Apologizes, Says He Shouldn’t Have Preached Hourlong Sermon with Diarrhea

September 18, 2026 Andrew

BAULKHAM HILLS, AUSTRALIA Pastor Dave of Waters of Blessing megachurch in New South Wales, Australia is apologizing to the congregation, and the choir behind him, after preaching an hourlong sermon while suffering from a particularly […]

The Daily Bonnet

Frugal Mennonites Excited for the Permanent Daylight Savings

September 17, 2026 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB There was a buzz in the quilting room at South Kildonan MB this afternoon after the province announced there would be permanent daylight savings. “Oba, I expect savings during an MCC bag sale […]

The Daily Bonnet

Carney Sends Mennonite Delegates to Negotiate with the EU

September 16, 2026 Andrew

STRASBOURG, FRANCE Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney has decided to send the descendants of Mennonite delegates Jakob Hoeppner and Johann Bartsch to negotiate a privilegium with the EU. “Understanding the importance of these meetings, we […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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