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Month: January 2026

Unger the Influence

Zwaagstra Vows to Continue Goertzen’s Legacy of Giving Andrew Unger Plenty of Material

January 8, 2026 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Mere seconds after longtime Steinbach MLA Kelvin Goertzen announced his retirement, Steinbach deputy mayor Michael Zwaagstra announced his intention to run, saying he wants to continue Goertzen’s legacy of giving Andrew Unger plenty […]

Unger & Thirst

US Troops Accidentally Seize One of Those Oil and Vinegar Tasting Rooms

January 5, 2026 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS Rural Kansas’s most popular oil and vinegar tasting room was accidentally seized this weekend as the Trump administration tries to regain control over the hemisphere’s most precious commodity. “We’ve got their oil and […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Worried Trump May Try to Capture Her Essential Oils

January 4, 2026 Andrew

SEMINOLE, TX Area woman Alexis Siemens, 33, has gone into hiding this weekend after she heard Trump was trying to take control of the nation’s essential oil supply. “No more Bible studies/essential oil sales parties […]

Unger Games

Mennonites Excited for Grand Slam of Curling in Steinbach

January 3, 2026 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Curling fans from across the world will be descending on the small Mennonite community of Steinbach this week to witness the curling elite in action. “Normally we just get to see Mrs. Loewen’s […]

Unger & Thirst

Winkler, Manitoba Officially Has More Mexican Restaurants than People

January 2, 2026 Andrew

WINKLER, MB According to new census figures that were just released today, the city of Winkler in southern Manitoba now has more Mexican restaurants than people. At just over 14,000 Mexican restaurants, the city has […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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