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Month: July 2025

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Hires Coldplay to Help Spot the Sinners

July 20, 2025 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Attendees at a local Mennonite church will be on their best behaviour from now on as the church has blown their entire budget to hire English rock band Coldplay to help identify […]

Unger Suspicion

Reluctant Steinbachers Lured into Winnipeg with Lower Gas Prices

July 19, 2025 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB This summer, the City of Winnipeg has been luring hesitant rural folks into the big city the only way they know how – knocking 20 cents off at the gas pump. “I feel […]

The Daily Bonnet

CEO Caught With Mennonite Woman In His Arms

July 18, 2025 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON 83-year-old Taunte Liza of Leamington has finally caught herself a catch. This according to the rumours being spread on the prayer chain this week. “I peeked into the church one afternoon and saw […]

The Daily Bonnet

Contestants Stumped as 2 Mennonite Mayors Appear in Jeopardy! Clue

July 17, 2025 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC A Jeopardy! clue this past week has made two Mennonite mayors world famous. Abbotsford mayor Ross Siemens and Winkler mayor Henry Siemens were mentioned in the clue, which had contestants stumped. “I couldn’t […]

The Daily Bonnet

Massive Art Heist Strikes Altona

July 16, 2025 Andrew

ALTONA, MB It’s the biggest art heist in Canadian history as residents of Altona woke up this morning to discover their beloved giant Van Gogh had vanished. “I’m guessing it was the Funk boys with […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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