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Month: January 2025

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Thinks His Specific Brand of Mennonites is Representative of All Mennonites

January 25, 2025 Andrew

SCHANZENKLEEGRUENSTEIN, MB Area man Abe Friesen is under the impression that the specific type of Mennonites that he is familiar with, those who speak Low German, wear suspenders, forbid dancing and drinking, and complain about […]

Unger Suspicion

Bloated Gassy Tourist Rushes for Nearest ‘Ausfahrt’

January 24, 2025 Andrew

MUNICH, GERMANY On a recent trip to Germany this winter, all the hearty schnitzels and sausages had Canadian tourist Pete Dueck, 47, in a constant need to break wind. “And the first thing I noticed […]

Unger Suspicion

Gulf of Mexico Becomes Latest Victim of Cancel Culture

January 23, 2025 Andrew

GULF OF MEXICO, MEXICO Americans were outraged this week after it was announced that their beloved Gulf of Mexico was going to have a name change just to appease some liberal snowflakes in Washington. “It’s […]

Unger Conviction

Felix Manz, Forgotten Second Rebaptizer, Declared “Buzz Aldrin” of the Anabaptists

January 22, 2025 Andrew

ZURICH, SWITZERLAND In the Mennonite world, absolutely everyone knows the name of George Blaurock, the first person to get rebaptized way back in 1525. We all sat around our television sets as he ventured into […]

Unger the Influence

Cold Washington Weather Moves Inauguration to Winnipeg

January 21, 2025 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB It was a bit too chilly in DC this week, so much so that the inauguration had to be moved to a more suitable climate – Winnipeg. “Everyone knows January is the best […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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