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Month: June 2023

Unger & Thirst

For Dessert Today? Sugar Cubes Dipped in Coffee

June 5, 2023 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Delicious zuckastetja were on full display this Sunday afternoon at the annual GCEMC faspa/funeral and Mennonites throughout the region flocked to get their hands on the prized treat. “No plautz for me,” said Mr. […]

Unger Conviction

Joel Osteen Fans are Literally Wearing Adult Diapers so they Don’t Miss a Second of His Three-Hour Sermons

June 4, 2023 Andrew

HOUSTON, TX Hardcore Osteen-devotees have taken to Instagram to share a tried-and-true solution to make sure they don’t miss even a second of the service at Lakewood Church. Their solution? Adult diapers. “I may get […]

Unger & Thirst

Mrs. Plett Mixes Papsi and Water to Make Mennonite Swamp Water

June 3, 2023 Andrew

LANDMARK, MB Mrs. Ruth Plett of Landmark encountered the fountain drinks at the Dairy Queen in Steinbach this week and decided to boldly try a little Papsi with some water in it yet. “Oba, nay, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Chaste Young Mennonite Man Fully Intends to Pay Before He Pumps

June 2, 2023 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Area man Guillermo Wiens, 19, was absolutely flummoxed by the “pay before you pump” sign at the local gas station this afternoon. “Why would such a sign even be necessary?” wondered Wiens. “What […]

Daily Bonnet

New Holland Owner Way Ahead on His Spring Seeding this Year

June 1, 2023 Andrew

RANDOLPH, MB While the rest of his buddies have just finished their spring seeding this year, area man and proud New Holland owner Dwayne Funk is, apparently, already bringing in his first harvest. “Oh, I […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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