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knipsbrat

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Severely Injures Knipsing Finger

May 17, 2020 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON The global crokinole community was in shock this week after star flicker Mr. Funk went down with an injury to his knipsing finger. “The crokinole world has never seen anything like this, especially […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Being Extra Careful These Days

March 13, 2020 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC The Abbotsford Men’s Crokinole League is taking extra precautions these days and has implemented a league-wide policy requiring knipsers to wrap their knipsing fingers in plastic bags. “We are taking every measure to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Uncle Henry Caught Shooting from the Front Line

November 24, 2019 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Uncle Henry has been arrested and is being held in the local Mennonite church basement this week after being caught shooting from the top of five-point zone. “I’ve always wondered how he got […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Introduces New Social Network Called ‘Knipschat’

July 3, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB From the heart of the Mennonite Silicon Valley comes a brand new social network called ‘Knipschat.’ The new app allows users to post pictures of themselves knipsing, knitting, or knoodeling. “The best thing […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Knipsbrat and Chill???’: Mennonite Woman Receives Late Night Text

April 16, 2019 Andrew

YARROW, BC Helen Poetker, 47, of Yarrow, BC received an unusual text from her on-again off-again boyfriend Heinrich this past week. The text, which was sent sometime after 1 in the morning said, “Been a […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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