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Unger Conviction

Pastor to Fight Epidemic of Mennonite Men Wearing Shorts in Church

June 1, 2025 Andrew

ROSTHERN, SK After half the men in the congregation showed up in shorts this past Sunday, Pastor Carl is now enforcing the church’s long standing no shorts rule. “It’s been on the books for decades, […]

Unger Conviction

Magnus Carlsen Booted Out of Church for Wearing Jeans

December 30, 2024 Andrew

WATERTOWN, NY Norwegian chess superstar Magnus Carlsen had decided to try his hand at a Dutch Blitz tournament up in Watertown, New York this week, when he realized his attire was not suitable for the […]

The Daily Bonnet

“They’re a slippery slope to pants”: Mennonite Church Bans Leggings

October 6, 2024 Andrew

COALDALE, AB Lululemon stores in Calgary are under serious financial pressure this week, after the recent crack down on southern Alberta women wearing leggings under their skirts. “That’s where it all starts,” yelled Pastor Dave […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman to Go Around Naked Now that Reitman’s is Closed

January 16, 2024 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Area woman Agatha Martens, 73, is concerned she’ll be left with absolutely nothing to wear now that Reitman’s is closing. Martens relied so heavily on purchasing her floral blouses and navy blue slacks […]

Unger Suspicion

Avid Outdoorsman Spends All Day Indoors Wearing Bass Pro Shops Cap

August 17, 2023 Andrew

SEMINOLE, TX Area man Heinrich Wiens, 23, has a reputation around Seminole for being such an avid outdoorsman that he even wears a Bass Pro Shops cap. “And you can’t fake that,” said fellow hunting […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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