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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Gather for Nationwide ‘No Krahns’ Protests

October 19, 2025 Andrew

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN Millions of Mennonites across the United States gathered for what they had heard was going to be a ‘No Krahns’ protest. “It’s about time we sent those Krahns back to Canada,” said […]

The Daily Bonnet

Andrew Unger Sues Time Magazine for Extremely Unflattering Cover Photo

October 17, 2025 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY Calling it the “worst photo of all time,” Mennonite satirist Andrew Unger is now suing Time Magazine for the weird low angle shot they used on a recent cover. “I don’t mind […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Mistakes Huge Miriam Toews Crowd for Billy Graham Crusade

October 16, 2025 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Mr. David Kehler of Kleefeld was in the big city on a Costco run this afternoon when he stumbled upon a massive crowd that had gathered at Grant Park Mall. “Look at all […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Woman Needs Weekend to Recover from Weekend

October 15, 2025 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Area mom Brittany Klippenstein was so exhausted from her Thanksgiving weekend that she now requires a weekend to recover from the weekend. “Thanks goodness we’ve got another weekend coming up,” said Klippenstein. “With […]

Unger Suspicion

Katy Perry Attempts to Make Out with the Wrong Prime Minister

October 13, 2025 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Pop superstar Katy Perry was spotted in what looked like some level of embrace with another former Canadian Prime Minister this week. “I don’t know what came over me,” said Perry. “I guess […]

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