WINNIPEG, MB
Winnipeg Jets goalie Connor Hellebuyck was a no show at training camp this week, reportedly demanding the chance to completely shit the bed in the playoffs for another team.
“I’m sick of playing well in the regular season only to totally shit the bed when the playoffs start for the Jets,” said Hellebuyck, “and I’m not going to show up until they trade me to some other team I can shit the bed in the postseason for.”
Hellebuyck says he’d especially like the chance to shit the bed for an American team.
“You know some place with fake fans who only notice you’ve shit the bed when they read about it in the paper the next morning,” said Hellebuyck, “and who mostly let you shit the bed in peace.”
If he can’t get a job shitting the bed with an American NHL franchise, Hellebuyck plans to take a top level job as a trade commissioner in the Trump administration.