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Articles by Andrew

Unger the Influence

Canada Introduces New Food Allergy Warning Label

March 9, 2025 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Just moments after ascending to the throne, new Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney announced an important new set of warning labels to be displayed on all food products in the country. “We want […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Quickly Cleans the House So Guests Don’t Learn the Truth

March 8, 2025 Andrew

ROSENORT MB When the Sawatzkys visit the Pletts, they’re always impressed with how immaculate everything is. The floors are spotless, the toilet bowl is glistening, there’s not a speck of dust anywhere. “I don’t know […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man’s Been Using the Same McDonald’s Cup for the Past 15 Years

March 5, 2025 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Area man Frank Fehr, 72, has been using the very same McDonald’s cup for the past fifteen years, all under the assumption that he can get free refills all he wants. “I haven’t […]

The Daily Bonnet

Your 2025 Mennonite Oscar Nominees

March 2, 2025 Andrew

It’s that time of year again once yet. The Oscars! Well, of course, as Mennonite we don’t watch movies, except we all know Onkel Oscar who owns a TV behind the barn out back and […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Excited for New ‘Nut Kroeker’ Ballet

February 28, 2025 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After centuries of strict opposition to dancing of any sort, a new radical sect of Mennonites is set to perform the world’s first Anabaptist ballet – the Nut Kroeker. “It will surely become […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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