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Articles by Andrew

Unger the Influence

Thrift Store Burns Couch Donated By J.D. Vance

August 7, 2024 Andrew

MIDDELTON, OH A local thrift store has only a short list of items it will not accept, including cloth diapers, encyclopedia sets and, now, apparently gently-used couches formerly owned by J.D. Vance. “Normally we can […]

Unger Games

Mennonite Woman Disappointed She Didn’t Find Out About the ‘Hammer Throw’ Sooner

August 6, 2024 Andrew

MORRIS, MB Area dairy farmer Ruth Plett of Morris, Manitoba just discovered there was an Olympic event called “hammer throw” this afternoon after Canadians Camryn Rogers and Ethan Katzberg each came home with gold medals. […]

Unger Suspicion

Vacationing Couple to Spend the Next Two Weeks Standing in Lines All Over Europe

August 5, 2024 Andrew

NEUSCHWANSTEIN, GERMANY The Fehrs of Altona, Manitoba have been saving up for the past three years for their once-in-lifetime chance to stand in lines all over Europe. “Melissa does all the planning,” said Steve. “She’s […]

The Daily Bonnet

Infant Loses Mennonite Status After Being Born at St. Boniface Instead of Concordia

August 4, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The Ungers who live just south of the city could not make it to Concordia on time and had to settle for having their child born at St. Boniface. “Well, I guess I’m […]

Unger Games

Olympic Village Modelled After Mennonite Heritage Village, Athletes to Sleep in Sod Huts

August 3, 2024 Andrew

PARIS, FRANCE The Paris Olympics just-so-happens to coincide with Pioneer Days at the Mennonite Heritage Village in Steinbach and, so, to give Olympians that authentic Mennonite experience, all athletes are expected to sleep in a […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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