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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Quickly Cleans the House So Guests Don’t Learn the Truth

March 8, 2025 Andrew

ROSENORT MB When the Sawatzkys visit the Pletts, they’re always impressed with how immaculate everything is. The floors are spotless, the toilet bowl is glistening, there’s not a speck of dust anywhere. “I don’t know […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man’s Been Using the Same McDonald’s Cup for the Past 15 Years

March 5, 2025 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Area man Frank Fehr, 72, has been using the very same McDonald’s cup for the past fifteen years, all under the assumption that he can get free refills all he wants. “I haven’t […]

The Daily Bonnet

Your 2025 Mennonite Oscar Nominees

March 2, 2025 Andrew

It’s that time of year again once yet. The Oscars! Well, of course, as Mennonite we don’t watch movies, except we all know Onkel Oscar who owns a TV behind the barn out back and […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Excited for New ‘Nut Kroeker’ Ballet

February 28, 2025 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After centuries of strict opposition to dancing of any sort, a new radical sect of Mennonites is set to perform the world’s first Anabaptist ballet – the Nut Kroeker. “It will surely become […]

Unger Conviction

Church Attendance Takes Huge Hit After Pastor Excommunicates Anyone Who Doesn’t Reply to His Email

February 24, 2025 Andrew

CORN, OK Pastor Mark’s new “accountability and discipleship plan” has totally backfired, after not a single parishioner replied to his email asking them to keep track of their hours of Bible reading and service. “I’ve […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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