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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

Divine Intervention? Really Long Train Prevents Mennonite Couple from Entering the City

October 18, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The really freakin’ long train on Marion Street last night was seen as a sign of divine intervention by the Ungers of Blumenort. “Ugh, I guess we’re not supposed to go to that […]

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbach Celebrates 150 Sinless Years

October 17, 2024 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Steinbach, Manitoba was settled by 18 righteous and pure Mennonite families some 150 years ago, and after all this time the community has managed to remain completely sinless. “We made it. We finally […]

Unger Suspicion

Winnipeg to Relocate Trains to Keep Out Worldly Influences

October 16, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The Mennonites of southern Manitoba had it all figured out 150 years ago it seems. The City of Winnipeg is now considering the possibility of moving the rail yards out of the city. […]

Unger Suspicion

Perfumer Releases New ‘Urine and Weed’ Scent in Tribute to New York City

October 15, 2024 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY One of the nation’s top perfumers has just released a new scent, aptly called New York City, which is believed to be the first perfume to emulate the unmistakable musk of the […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Woman Forces Husband to Watch ‘Marley and Me’ Yet Again This Weekend

October 14, 2024 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Area woman Anne Martin has big special plans for this Friday evening. “Let me guess, you want to snuggle and watch ‘Marley and Me’ for the 700th time?” said husband Bob. “Alright, fine, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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