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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Clearbrook Votes to Secede from Abbotsford

February 7, 2017 Andrew

CLEARBROOK, BC After a long and divisive campaign that dominated headlines across Canada, the Mennonite churches of Clearbrook, British Columbia have voted overwhelmingly in favour of seceding from the City of Abbotsford. “We’re sick and […]

Unger & Thirst

McDonalds to Offer All-Day Faspa

February 7, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Thanks to pressure from many of their loyal Mennonite customers, the world’s largest fast food chain is experimenting with all-day faspa in a half dozen Western Canada stores. “We’ve been listening to customers […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Schekjbenjels of Winkler’ Calendar Becomes Hot Seller

February 6, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB United Schekjbenjels and Gofers Local 204 has released a steamy new calendar to raise funds for a new hitching post at the local Mennonite church. “The ladies of Winkler simply cannot resist a schekjbenjel with his […]

Unger Conviction

Wardrobe Malfunction Taints Mennonite Quartet Performance

February 5, 2017 Andrew

OMAHA, NB The Jansen Brothers are world-renowed for their smooth harmonies and beautiful renditions of such classics as ‘Church in the Wildwood’ and ‘I’ll Fly Away.’ However, for the congregation at East Omaha MBEM Church last […]

Unger & Thirst

Man Uses Female Pen Name to Submit Recipes to Mennonite Cookbook

February 4, 2017 Andrew

LINDEN, AB Local man Mr. Benjamin Harms has been writing recipes under the pseudonym Martha Pankratz for the past thirty years. With this female pen name he has published recipes including schnetke, buttazupand a delightful jellied veal […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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