TORONTO, ON
Amidst a heated trade war with Canada, President Donald Trump announced a new deal to reinstall all the mines he removed from the Strait of Hormuz and reinstall them in Lake Ontario.
“Many people are saying this is a good idea. Many people are saying it,” said Trump, referring to the hand selected yes men in his cabinet. “If that Doug Ford won’t stop calling me names, we’re going to have to put those mines in Lake Ontario.”
Trump had initially planned simply to rename the lake, but decided, instead, for a more aggressive approach.
“We’re concerned about the price of toilet paper,” said Trump. “Those Canadians have treated us very bad. Very bad. The cost of toilet paper is much too high. Much too high. I mean, there’s a very good reason Karoline Leavitt resigned.”
Trump plans a grand ribbon cutting ceremony at his new more dangerous Lake Ontario featuring guest appearances by Vladimir Putin, Kim Jung-Un, and the recently exhumed body of his good friend and moral role model Jeffery Epstein.
(photo credit: Dillan Payne/CC)