ASCUNCION, PARAGUAY
Hans Toews of Fernheim Colony, Paraguay was super excited this week after he learned that his country was finally going to be accurately represented on UN maps.
“Not only that,” said Toews. “But it looks like we’re no longer landlocked.”
The new map depicts Paraguay as the largest country in South America, while Brazil has been diminished to the size of a soccer pitch.
“And according to new UN numbers, Plautdietsch is now the most-spoken language on the continent,” said Toews. “I guess they’re including Bolivia, too.”
The new map was approved unanimously by United Nations members, with even Brazil voting in favour.
“We don’t want to draw too much attention to ourselves,” said Brazilian President Lula. “These days it’s probably better if it’s not too easy for the Americans to find us on a map.”