STRASBOURG, FRANCE
Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney has decided to send the descendants of Mennonite delegates Jakob Hoeppner and Johann Bartsch to negotiate a privilegium with the EU.
“Understanding the importance of these meetings, we had to send the best negotiators on the planet – the Mennonites,” said Carney. “I mean if they can convince governments around the world to give them a bunch of free land and privileges not afforded to any other group, surely they can get us a good deal with the EU.”
Jakob Hoeppner XIV and Johann Bartsch’s great-great-great-great grandson Danny will be joined by a team of grandchildren from delegates the David Klassen, Jacob Peters, Heinrich Wiebe, and Cornelius Toews families.
“We’re just hoping that the Hoeppners don’t do anything shady like last time,” said Carney. “I’m sure they’re long over those tendencies by now.”
Carney is also planning to send a team of delegates across Canada to explain all of Andrew Unger’s obscure Mennonite history jokes to the general public.