WASHINGTON, DC
A man with the maturity of a toddler is demanding that Lake Ontario be renamed Lake Poopy Pants.
“Mommy and daddy say I’m the best little boy. The best at everything. The best negotiator,” said the shitty pantsed toddler as he crayoned the name Poopy Pants across a map of Lake Ontario.
American voters were so impressed by the apparent 2-year-old’s diplomatic tactics that they immediately approved the installation of a $2 billion play pen in the White House.
“And, of course, we’ll be spending a million dollars a year on gold-plated soothers and cashmere reusable diapers in keeping with the maturity level of our Commander in Chief.”
Ships wanting to cross through Lake Poopy Pants will have to pay a toll of three jars of Pablum and a couple Captain Underpants books, which will be sent straight to the Oval Office.