DOLPHIN, MB
After months of controversy and debate, Dolphin School Trustee Pete Caflib has finally convinced his local school division to bring back the Royal Anthem.
“Yeah, so I picked up a bunch of 45s from the local thrift store,” says Caflib. “They were going to throw them out, but when I saw ‘God Save the Queen’ I figured it was perfect. It’s not God Save the King, but it’s close enough.”
Students across Dolphin were greeted with the sound of screeching guitar and Johnny Rotten’s snarling vocals, followed swiftly by a chipper announcements about the upcoming apple dunking contest this June.
“The kids seemed into it. It’s not the version I’m used to,” said Caflib, “but it’s important to preserve our traditional Commonwealth values.”
At recess that afternoon, kids were seen playing air guitar and talking about “figureheads” and “fascist regimes.”
“I feel we’ve made a lot of progress. We’re truly making Dolphin great again,” said Caflib. “My work here is done.”
The song has gone over so well that the school already has plans to play The Clash’s “Rock the Casbah” before the announcements all next week.