BOSTON, MA
Soccer experts are attributing Paraguay’s shocking victory over Germany last night to the prayers of 100,000 Mennonites in the Chaco.
“I can’t think of any other way this could have happened,” said soccer commentator David Wiens, “other than divine intervention.”
Germany was considered a frontrunner to win the whole thing this year, but instead they lost to Paraguay on penalty kicks.
“It makes total sense to me,” said Wiens. “After all, that whole country is basically Lutheran.”
In an effort to improve their chances in the next World Cup, more than 80 million Germans have reportedly been rebaptized as Mennonites.