STARBASE, TX
Hours after becoming the world’s first trillionaire, Elon Musk was spotted desperately trying to squeeze his pet camel Jacob through the eye of Mrs. Siemens’s sewing needle.
“I’m putting all my top engineers on it,” said Musk. “I’m certain with a few hundred billion more dollars we’ll be able to squeeze him through.”
All SpaceX staff have been seconded to work on the problem.
“Actually, I think if I can figure out how to squeeze a camel through the eye of a needle, it’ll be more lucrative than any of our space programs,” said Musk. “With a net worth as much as half the world’s population combined, I’m sure I’ve got the resources to figure it out.”
Musk said they first considered covering the camel with some very slippery lubricant.
“But that didn’t work,” said Musk. “So, now we’re spending all our time figuring out how to stretch out the needle.”
Meanwhile, millions of middle-class North Americans Christians are glad to have Elon Musk around so that they can keep convincing themselves they don’t actually qualify as “rich.”