NEWTON, KS
The Third Mennonite Church of Newton, Kansas will be bringing in the crowds this week as they prepare to host their first ever UFC fight on the front lawn.
“Come early and bring your lawn chairs,” said Pastor David. “We’ll be starting with a quilt auction, followed by faspa, and then stick around for the bloodiest fight our town has ever seen.”
The event will cost the church over $200 million dollars, but locals feel it’s worth it.
“It’s Pastor David’s birthday after all,” said Mrs. Schmidt. “If we’ve got to rip up the lawn a little, then so be it. Probably does less damage than the kids in their three-legged race every year at the Sunday school picnic.”
The fight is believed to be the first time ever that Mennonites have broken from their commitment to pacifism.