BLUMENHOF, SK
Area child Dietrich Bergmann was suspended for eight days for uttering the phrase “Waut de schissjat” during a rousing circle game at recess this afternoon.
“We have to teach these youngsters a lesson,” said Principal Seymour Hamm. “Maybe you can get away with some High German once in a while. But mostly we try to keep a tight English ship around here.”
Hamm is embarrassed by his Plautdietch past and so has become a welcome patsy to government assimilationists.
“We’re giving any kid who speaks Low German detention and lunch clean up duty,” said Hamm. “And if you do it twice, you’ll be sent straight home to milk cows and toss bales all day.”
Unfortunately for Hamm, kids who are sent home usually spend the entire day speaking nothing but Plautdietsch.
“But at least they’re not a bad influence on the other kids,” said Hamm. “Besides, I think I’m being lenient. At least I didn’t make him chew raw onions.”
Dozens of readers who only read the headline and not to the end of the article, pointed out that this was all too real to be satire and was exactly the sort of thing that really did happen in the not too distant past on the Canadian prairies.