STEINBACH, MB
Steinbach, Manitoba has experienced a massive e-scooter outbreak this summer as thousands of locals have taken to the streets and sidewalks in an effort to disregard their own safety or the safety of pedestrians.
“The best thing is that even the kids are allowed to participate,” said area e-scooter enthusiast Dan Wiebe. “After all, who says you need training and a license to operate a vehicle at 50 kms an hour down a busy sidewalk?”
The e-scooter outbreak is rumoured to have originated with a leak from the local Canadian Tire.
“We can’t be for certain that that’s where it started,” said Mayor Earl Funk. “All we know is you’ve gotta social distance when the e-scooters are out and about or you’ll get mowed over for sure.”
Southern Manitoba is so infested with e-scooters that some are calling for the government to intervene.
“I think that might be unnecessary,” said Funk. “I’m guessing once everyone gets an e-scooter we’ll eventually reach herd immunity. I’m hoping we can slow down this e-scooter outbreak just enough that we don’t overflow the Bethesda Hospital.”
Experts are already blaming the Mennonites for this growing e-scooter outbreak, which is the first time the Anabaptists have spread something like this since the Great Hutterite Rollerblade Epidemic of 1996.