MIAMI, FL
After rolling out a test run at primary schools in Miami, Florida this week, the White House announced plans to provide every school in the country with a dairy cow and a Mennonite milk maid.
“The cows will be milked by some Penner girls we’re bringing in from Goessel, Kansas,” said press secretary Karoline Leavitt. “Rest assured, by the end of the school year, our kids will be drinking nothing but whatever milk they manage to squeeze out of these creatures.”
The cows have already started arriving at several schools, which brought considerable excellent for Mrs. Loewen’s 1st grade class in Henderson, Nebraska.
“Our class goldfish didn’t make it past October,” said Mrs. Loewen. “I hope we have better luck with Daisy here.”
In addition to drinking the freshest milk possible, students will also be tasked with keeping Daisy’s pen clean and churning butter for the PTA meeting in spring.