WINNIPEG, MB
The Winnipeg Jets have signed Mr. Plett, 84, of Bethlehem Place to bring some much needed youth and agility to their aging lineup.
“I lot of people can’t figure out what’s gone wrong this year,” said head coach Scott Arniel, “but I knew he had to get younger. Thankfully, the city of Winnipeg has a treasure trove of seniors who played in the EM Cup back in the 60s to choose from.”
Mr. Plett will be instantly given the left winger spot on the first line.
“For obvious reasons, we didn’t want to put him on the same line with Toews,” said Arniel. “Those two would just spatzere and spatzere the whole time. And what we need is forecheck not a schnetje conference.”
The addition of Mr. Plett will bring the average age of the Winnipeg Jets down to just 91-years-old.
“I hope to bring back the win in Winnipeg,” said Mr. Plett. “This city hasn’t seen a Stanley Cup since the Winnipeg Victorias won it back when I was just a lad.”
As the youngest member of the team, Mr. Plett plans to sit back and learn for a while before taking over the leadership.
“Plus we’re going to make some equipment changes,” said Mr. Plett. “I’m sure I’m not the only one around here who’s legally allowed to play without a helmet.”