STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN
Not to be outdone by FIFA, the Nobel committee has just come up with a new soccer award, specifically designed for the world’s top demagogues and/or soccer players. The first recipient will be none other than US President Donald Trump.
“Apparently, awarding trophies in areas far outside your area of expertise is all the rage these days,” said Nobel committee spokesperson Bjork Bjorkson. “If FIFA can award Peace prizes, then surely we can award one for soccer.”
Trump was apparently totally oblivious to this obvious pandering and graciously accepted the award.
“This trophy just proves, as I have always thought, that I am the greatest soccer player in history. The greatest,” said Trump. “Which is an even more remarkable achievement if you consider the fact I’ve never even set foot on a soccer field.”
The award also includes the ability to rename the World Cup as “America’s Cup” and to ban anyone who continues to call the sport “football.”