TOFIELD, AB
Conservative leader Pierre Poilievere has parachuted into the small Mennonite town of Tofield, Alberta this afternoon, where he landed just outside Tilly’s Family Dining.
“We love a good aerial performance around here,” said local resident Samantha Hiebert. “In fact, I’d much prefer if all our candidates were of the parachute variety.”
Poilievre says that just because most of his new constituents are landlubbers, doesn’t mean he can’t win them over with his parachuting skills.
“There’s a reason I picked this riding,” said Poilievre. “I was guaranteed there’d be some nice open fields where my parachute could safely land.”
Poilievre says he’s really looking forward to representing the area in Ottawa, though has a few misgivings.
“First of all, I have no idea what schmaunt fat is, but I’m willing to learn,” said Poilievre. “I just hope all this Mennonite food won’t mean I’ll need to get a bigger parachute.”
Poilievre attributes all his new parachuting skills to lessons he’s been taking from former Provencher MP Vic Toews.