AKRON, PA
Mennonite Church USA just announced they’d be abandoning a near 500-year commitment to non-violence by hosting several UFC events in church basements across Akron, Pennsylvania.
“We’re happy to invite the Union For Christ to our fair city,” said spokesperson Sally Miller. “If this goes well, we’ll even be inviting the Mennonite Missionary Association next year.”
The Union For Christ will be bringing their top recruits to the WestEast Akron Mennonite Church basement this fall.
“I don’t know all the details but I hear some sword drills are involved,” explained Miller. “I know this is a little wild for a Mennonite church, but we think the young people will like it.”
Some have said the plan is too worldly and that a church may not be the appropriate setting for such an event.
“You’ve got to just ignore the critics and soldier on,” said Miller. “I don’t mean soldier literally … but you know what I mean.”
The afternoon UFC draw begins at 2:00 pm, right after the potluck and right before the evening service. Attendees are expected to bring their own shoofly pie.