RIVERTON, MB
Days after arriving in Manitoba to film his latest movie, Taylor Swift’s inlaw Jason Kelce has decided to retire to a simpler life on the farm.
“I realized that Hollywood is not for me,” said Kelce. “I think I’m much better off growing flax with the Mennonites.”
Kelce was put to work by Mr. Kehler of Riverton.
“You know, he’s one of the better shekjbenjels we’ve ever had,” said Mr. Kehler. “Most of them are scrawny and 19-year-old, but here’s a man with some real experience.”
Kelce quickly took to the new attire, as well.
“I already had the beard, so that was not an issue,” said Kelce. “The suspenders took some getting used to, but I’m sure they’ll be a hit at my brother’s wedding this summer.”
Kelce said had already learned half a dozen words in Plautdietsch, although every single one was a swear word.