CAMBRIDGE, MA
After having its funding dramatically reduced in recent weeks, Harvard University has had to result to a tried and true method of raising money – a Mennonite-style quilt auction.
“At this point, we were kind of desperate,” said university president Alan Garber. “We looked all over the place for ideas – garage sales, drop shipping, you name it. After extensive research, we discovered the most effective method of fundraising was a quilt auction. How many quilts will it take to raise $2.6 billion?”
The university quickly tasked several first year Accounting and Management students with churning out enough quilts to get the school budget back to normal.
“We should have hired the Mennonites,” said Garber, “but, you should see the prices they charge. The profit margins were a lot higher on our student-made quilts.”
Each auction winner had to sign a waiver promising not to complain if the quilt fell apart after just a night or two of use.
“If this doesn’t work, we’re holding a soup and pie fundraiser,” said Garber. “Those Mennonites are full of good ideas.”
The school will also be turning Harvard Yard into a giant thrift store.
(photo credit:DanaK~WaterPenny/CC)