WINKLER, MB
Convicted fraudster and medical inventor Elizabeth Holmes is set to be released from prison and will be setting up shop in Winkler, Manitoba.
“Where I’ll be knisping and knacking to cure whatever ails you,” said Holmes. “Unlike the other knackers, I can get you all fixed in a single knips.”
Her one knips-fits-all technique has garnered significant attention throughout the Pembina Valley with locals signed up to pay $100, $200, or $300 for a knipsing session.
“We’ve had some skeptics, too,” said Holmes, “but we’ll win over those Mordeners in no time.”
A documentary about Holmes and her time in Winkler is scheduled to begin filming this fall. Satirist Andrew Unger is set to direct the project, which is tentatively titled You Can See Everything Once Yet.