STEINBACH, MB
Always looking for cheap laughs, Mennonite satire site The Unger Review has just been offered a “bargain basement” deal to pick up the contract of late night host Stephen Colbert.
“CBS was like, ‘you can take him off our hands in exchange for a ring of farmer sausage and a bag of Old Dutch chip,’” said Unger. “Obviously they knew who they were negotiating with, so I immediately agreed to the deal.”
Colbert will begin his stint in Steinbach this week, where Unger has tasked him with writing a bunch of jokes about local mayor Earl Funk.
“I mean, I don’t need non-stop Funk jokes every evening, but a couple won’t hurt,” said Unger. “Then once he’s established in the market, I’ll have him move on to Kelvin Goertzen and Ted Falk. I just hope he can learn Plautdietsch pretty quick.”
Colbert says his new office in Steinbach is not quite what he’s used to, but he’s just happy to have employment.
“It’s a little hard to concentrate with all the street racing, but at least I have a lovely view of the feed mill,” said Colbert. “Oh, and Andrew says I can make as many Trump jokes as I want.”
Readers immediately noticed a significant uptick in the quality of jokes on the site, but also saw a dramatic decline in references to schmaunt fat.
(photo credit: Mark Morgan/CC)