WASHINGTON, DC
The White House announced today what the rest of the world had noticed for a long time, that they would officially stop making sense effective immediately.
“I’ve instructed the US Mint and all other branches of government to stop making sense,” said US President Donald Trump. “For way too long we’ve made sense in this country and look where it’s got us. It’s time we stopped making sense completely.”
The White House outlined a seven step plan to rid the county of any sense by the end of the year.
“We’re asking anyone with any sense to hand it in immediately,” said a press release. “Anyone with any sense leftover as of January 1 will be asked to leave the country.”
Sense has been found in several other countries around the world, although even the US’s nearest neighbour and top trading partner Canada also gave us any sense years ago.
“I’m not sure where I can move that has any sense,” said Fresno resident Pete Janzen. “We’re thinking of getting out of here, but where can we go?”
The White House released a follow-up email distancing themselves from any band as cool as Talking Heads and claimed only Ted Nugent and Lee Greenwood would be permitted from now on.