FARGO, ND
North Dakota’s attempt to lure crossborder Christmas shoppers has met with a hiccup this week after the local Chamber of Commerce announced they’d be bringing back the woodchipper.
“Yeah, I think I’ll pass,” said Winnipeger Brayden Enns. “I don’t want to end up in the woodchipper just for jay walking or something. Plus, elbows up!”
Fargo reps have been quick to downplay the risk.
“We got pressure from the White House to lift the moratorium on the woodchipper,” said Mayor Bjork Bjorkson. “But I don’t think we’ll have to use it. Except in rare circumstances.”
Those circumstances, Bjorkson explained, include cheering for the Fighting Hawks, eating lutefisk out of season, and crossing over to Moorhead without a permit.
“Please come shop in Fargo,” said Bjorkson. “The risk of winding up in a woodchipper is relatively low. Just don’t let on that you’re Canadian and you should be fine.”
Enns says he’ll stick to shopping in Canada this year, claiming the risk of execution is significantly lower at the local MCC.