Trump Pressures Mennonites: “Find 11,780 Vogts!”


Desperate to turn the tide of the election, President Trump has called on state officials to “find Vogts wherever you can.”

“We need 11,780 Vogts. Could be Henry Vogt. Agnes Vogt. Peter Vogt. I don’t care. Just get me my Vogts!” said Trump in angry phone call to the Nebraska governor. “My entire future as President depends on these Vogts!”

Experts are not sure Trump can find enough Vogts to salvage the election, but that hasn’t stopped him from trying.

“I don’t care where you get these Vogts. Bring them in from Canada. Mexico even. Just get me my Vogts,” said Trump, visibly distressed. “If I don’t have thousands of Vogts by January 20, I’m hoopered.”

Trump is concerned that all the Vogts seemed to have gone to Joe Biden this time.

“I’m still optimistic,” said Trump. “And even if I can’t get my twelve thousand Vogts this time, I’ll be back to get the Vogts in 2024.”

Trump said he was so desperate that at this point he’d be willing to take a van Vogt or even a Voth.

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