National Emergency Declared After Farmer Sausage Supply Drops to Dangerous New Lows


President Donald Trump has over-stepped Congress and declared a “national emergency” after reports out of Kansas indicate that the nation’s Mennonite farmer sausage supply was at an all-time low.

“Mr. Wall of Newton retired last year and we haven’t been able to keep up with demand,” said Mennonite food enthusiastic Peter Klassen. “It’s gotten so bad that we’re not sure how the nation will survive this emergency.”

Trump is planning to use the eight billion dollars to turn the nation’s schools into smokehouses until the farmer sausage level is back to normal.

“Some people were thinking about importing formavorchst from Canada,” said Mr. Klassen. “But with Trump’s new tariffs, that’s just prohibitively expensive.”

Since the emergency declaration, airports and land borders have been on high alert and are searching suitcases for any evidence of farmer sausage smuggling. Squeaky cheese curds are also on the list.

“We have a lot of work to do,” said Trump. “But, together, we will make faspa great again.”

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