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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

With Toilet Paper in Short Supply, Mennonites Resort to Eaton’s Catalogues Once Again

April 2, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB While thousands of Canadians are panicked these days due to a short supply of toilet paper, Mennonites, on the other hand, haven’t been fazed by the shortage at all. “Well, it looks like […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Church Warns ‘No Casual Meddachschlop During Public Health Crisis’

March 31, 2020 Andrew

SANTA CLARA, MEXICO Public health officials and church leaders are warning Mennonites across North America to refrain from casual meddachschlop with random partners for the duration of the current crisis. “Unless you’ve got a California […]

The Daily Bonnet

Penner Kids Have Been Watching Nothing But ‘Frozen 2’ All Day Every Day for the Past Two Weeks

March 30, 2020 Andrew

HILLSBORO, KS Seemingly unable to watch anything else at all these days, the Penner kids of Hillsboro have had Frozen 2 up on the flatscreen Samsung for the past two weeks straight. “Ugh, they’re not […]

The Daily Bonnet

Ten Person Maximum Puts Mennonite Families in Quite the Predicament

March 28, 2020 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB The Pletts have voted and it seems as if Dad is going to have to quarantine himself in the shed out back so as to adhere to the new ten-person guidelines. “We […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Finally Learns His ‘ABCs’

March 27, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Until recently local man Mr. Fehr had absolutely no use for learning the alphabet. However, the recent pandemic has forced him to learn his ABCs so he can wash his hands properly. “All […]

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