REGINA, SK
Missing for nearly forty years, Andrew Scheer’s American passport was discovered wedged between two old couch cushions in a suburban Regina bungalow this week.
“It was right there next to a few Cheetos and some Canadian Tire money,” said passport discoverer Mrs. Reimer. “I’m sure Mr. Scheer will be excited to have it back, so he can finally use the fast lane on cross border shopping trips.”
Andrew Scheer was very excited to get his passport back and is not sure how it got wedged between Mrs. Reimer’s pillows.
“Must have been that late night Scrabble session a few years ago,” said Scheer. “After losing three straight games, I was in no state to drive, so I figured it was better to crash on her couch.”
The passport in question did not appear to have been used, however.
“It’s hard to travel anywhere on a schekjbenjel‘s salary,” said Scheer. “It’s not like I was an insurance broker or something. Those guys are loaded!”
Scheer says if the whole Prime Minister thing doesn’t work out, he’ll strongly consider taking up a vacant cabinet position in the Trump administration.
